Augustus the Office Hero

Everyone who’s ever worked in an office anywhere in the world knows an office hero. This is the guy or gal who brags about how many hours they worked last night/week/weekend, how little sleep they need, how much coffee they drink by 9am, how they saved a company huge dollars, how much willpower they have to work while sick, and a plethora of other feats that no mere mortal could ever seemingly accomplish. I have the distinct pleasure of working across from our office hero (we’ll call him Augustus) who drives me and my cubicle-mate crazy with his endless stream of bluster and bullshit. What makes it even worse is that Augustus is also a work conduit (where deliverables move through him but are never actually completed by him) and…
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